How to Spot the Animal in Your Man: A Guide for Women

Have you ever wondered what kind of animal would be your perfect match? Is he a cuddly Teddy Bear who protects you and his cubs? Or is he a lazy sloth who spends all day on the couch? Maybe he’s a loyal Puppy Dog who follows you everywhere and loves you unconditionally. Or maybe he’s a sneaky Slithery Snake who lies and cheats behind your back.

This blog post will help you identify the animal traits in your man and how to find your perfect match. Whether you’re looking for love, fun, or stability, there’s a man out there for you. Here are some examples of common types of men and their animal counterparts:

The Cougar

This is a man who uses his money and influence to attract younger women. He takes advantage of much younger women who are seeking a father figure, security or material wealth. He is usually confident, successful and charming, but he may also be insecure, manipulative and predatory.

If you’re a young woman who wants to have some fun the Cougar might be your perfect match. Go ahead and enjoy the ride, but don’t expect him to commit or settle down. He’ll probably move on to his next prey soon enough. Hugh Hefner would be a good example of a Cougar.

 Puppy Dog

Think Tom Hanks or Brad Pitt. If these are your favorite actors, the Puppy Dog might just be your perfect match. These are wonderful men who are usually good looking in a childlike way. Handsome to distraction with eyes you can get lost in and a smile that melts your heart, this man has you from the word yummy.

The Puppy Dog is a good husband, father, son and friend. He will remind you of a cute puppy that you want to take in your arms, cuddle and pet. A devoted puppy will make you smile with his absolute and genuine love and affection. All he expects in return is for you to treat him with the same kind of devoted love he’s sharing with you. I would have married Tom Hanks in a heartbeat, but he is hopelessly devoted to Rita Wilson. She is a wise woman to have chosen a puppy.

 Sly Fox

This man has the same good looks and mannerisms as a puppy, but a Fox can be sly, cunning and clever. He is good at getting what he wants, whether it’s a promotion, a deal, or a date by being witty, charismatic and persuasive, but he may also be dishonest, deceptive and untrustworthy. He will tell you what you want to hear, but he may not mean it.

If you’re a woman who likes a challenge, the Sly Fox could be your perfect match. Go ahead and play his game, but don’t be fooled into thinking you can trust him. An example of a Fox would be Jude Law who cheated on his wife with his very own nanny. Did he even consider the effect of this on his children?

 Dirty Dog

Oscar Madison from “The Odd Couple” fame is a good example of a Dirty Dog. He seldom showers or shaves and walks around in wrinkly stained clothes straight from the dirty clothes hamper. His house looks like a tornado recently touched down in his living room. He needs a woman who has the time and patience to walk around behind him with a mop and broom, cleaning as she goes. If you’re the kind of woman who has the same idea of cleanliness as he does, the Dirty Dog may well be your perfect match. He barks and growls but is usually a good sort of guy (if you can get past the smell and the chaos).

Teddy Bear

A Teddy Bear is soft, cuddly and loveable. He is gentle, kind and caring and wants to make others happy. Although he is often loyal, supportive and generous, he may also be passive, needy and dependent. With his big heart, he likes to shower his partner with kisses and tons of hugs. He protects his mate and cubs, family and friends at all times. He can be very intimidating to other men because of his sheer size, but he is really a mellow soul with a good nature.

If you are looking for comfort and security, the Teddy Bear could be your perfect match. Go ahead and snuggle with him. He won’t be exciting or adventurous, but his warm hugs will sooth your soul. John Goodman (Dan, on the Roseanne show) is a great example of a Teddy Bear kind of guy.

Ape (aka  Buff /Bodybuilder)

The buff weightlifter (Vin Diesel, Sly Stallone or Arnold Schwarzenegger) is usually so into himself that he doesn’t have the time or the energy to pursue a relationship. The Ape loves women but spending time with one would cut into his workout program. He would not want to share a mirror with a woman (or anyone). He is too busy beating his chest and swinging on trees to notice anyone else. Besides, most Ape types are on steroids, and you know what that can do to a primate’s sex life. But he does look great and he knows it.

If you like to work out, the Ape could be your perfect match. Sport a pair of mirrored sunglasses. That way when he looks into your eyes you can pretend that he is really seeing you, instead of preening at his own handsome reflection. Few women can live up to an Ape’s idea of perfection, but you might be the only one who can. Go for it!

Laughing Hyena

Robin Williams, Billy Crystal, Jay Leno…… They are all great examples of Laughing Hyenas. The Hyena is always fun at parties, dinner or at any public outing. The show must go on. Being quick and witty, he can light up the room with his great sense of humor, funny jokes and hilarious pantomimes. If this sounds like your kind of guy, the Laughing Hyena is the perfect match for you. The laughs are never ending. However, be aware there might be a dark side to this man that could be a challenge to any woman. Often the playful jokes disguise his real disposition, which is often depressed, serious and shy. 

Slithery Snake

This slithery viper will strike you with his poisonous venom if you dare to disagree or cross him. Essentially, this coiled reptile is deceptive, angry and controlling. He thinks he is always right and will scream and yell to prove it. Violence is always possible. Sean Penn and Mike Tyson are men that get their own way, no matter what it takes. Respect yourself enough to walk away quickly from a man like this.

Most men are a combination of two or more of these personality types. For instance, Arnold Schwarzenegger is a combination of an Ape and a Fox, John Goodman is a Dirty Dog/Teddy Bear and Bill Cosby seems to be a Slithery Snake/Laughing Hyena.

It does help to understand what type of animal you are dealing with. Love is a double-edged sword that can be good and altruistic, or evil, hateful and unkind. Consequently, if you pick the right side, you will have a happy, fulfilling relationship. If you pick the wrong side you could find yourself in a truly unhappy love trap of immense proportions.

Therefore, when you make your way through the “Man Zoo” of perfect matches, drink lots of fluids and wear comfortable shoes. It’s a long, tiresome walk, but it’s worth it in the long run. If you can find a man with the right combination for you, you will be one lucky woman.






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